The Bad Days

Bad Days always start just like any other day. There is nothing significant about their beginning. You feed, you burp, you change, you play, you wrap, you put them into bed. Then for no obvious reason, things begin to change. Perhaps they refuse to nap or the nap is unusually short. Maybe they refuse the breast or the bottle. They don't want to be put down. They don't want to be picked up. They don't want to be upright/horizontal/rocked/spoken to/standing still/burped/changed/looked at. Grizzles turn to hysterical tears and so begins your bad day.

These are no longer tears of a tired baby or a hungry baby or a windy baby. These are real tears of despair. You mull over words such as colic and reflux because that's what mother's do. You have to give it a label so that you can fix it. Maybe it's something more serious or maybe they just heard Coldplay on the radio. What did you eat yesterday? Is there a temperature? Why are there so many germy kids roaming the streets threatening to infect your perfect infant?

You try to remember whether this is one of the developmental milestone weeks where they go a little crazy. It isn't. With your baby in your arms, you do what any worried mother would do in this situation, you reach for your 2nd fun size Mars Bar for the day and start Googling. Once you have ruled out serious illness and looked at more pictures of oozing rashes than you can bear, you do a quick search to find out how many fun size Mars Bars equals a normal size bar. Three. You down your third and then decide to have another go at settling/feeding/exorcism.

This time when hysteria sets in, you decide to never attempt that again and resign yourself to pacing the house until baby eventually falls asleep in your arms. The second they are asleep you realise that your left arm has pins and needles, your back is sore and you have somehow missed lunch. How many hours until husband is home? How many times can you have pizza for dinner before your start to look like one? Why do bananas go brown over night and Barbecue Shapes last for months in the cupboards?

Baby ends up sleeping for a whopping 25 minutes in your arms despite your best efforts at keeping them asleep. If being over-tired wasn't the issue before, it sure is now. And so begins your afternoon.

You hear mothers talk about the bad days, but until you actually survive one, you can't comprehend it. When other mothers mention 'feral' days they speak with a roll of the eyes and a shake of the head to which most people respond with a knowing look and coy smile. Well I didn't know, but I know now. In the future when mothers start talking about the bad days, I will respond with a giant hug and a king size Mars Bar.