The Big Easy?

'There is one thing nobody warned me about when I became a mother: what a breeze it would be'. This quote is from Jacinta's Tynon's article which appeared in an August edition of Sunday Life. The article was smugly entitled, The Big Easy. For the lucky few that missed it, I'm going to take you to the darkside for just a few moments. I have mixed feelings about this article and they range from a reluctant understanding of some points, to wanting to ram her repeatedly with my shopping trolley if I should ever have the pleasure of running into her at the supermarket. The article was always going to create some controversy (perhaps that was its purpose) but I really believe it was irresponsible and potentially did a lot of damage to new Mums who aren't finding it a 'cinch'. I could forgive Jacinta if the article had been a point of view piece, but it wasn't. It was an attack on new mothers who are already riddled with self doubt and guilt about the job they are doing. Even if that wasn't the intention.

Tynon's comparison of today's Mums to our Mothers/Grandmothers is ridiculous. 'I do think we could learn a thing or two from our mothers and grandmothers. You never heard a peep out of them about mucking in to double the kids and double the workload, with no online groceries or disposable nappies'. I believe similar challenges would have existed for our Grandmothers. They may not have had the same opportunities to discuss them opening and honestly, but does this make them better mothers? Do we really want to step back to a time of fake smiles and feelings swept under the carpet? Should we also start sending women with postnatal depression to psychiatric hospitals for shock treatment, like in the good old days? Even our Grandmothers would agree that the expectations of mothers nowadays are different. These high (sometimes unrealistic) expectations mashed together with the increasing isolation and lack of support, mean that you cannot compare being a mother now to 50 years ago.

With regard to the big topic of sleep deprivation, Jacinta states that, 'there is nothing difficult about being up all night with the love of your life'. She describes it as a privilege. To some extent this is true however I have spoken to women who have babies that literally do not sleep at night. A friend of mine was getting up to her crying child every 20 minutes to 1 hour for the first six weeks, and I can promise you she wasn't gushing about what a privilege it was. It was hard, she didn't pretend that it wasn't, and she shouldn't have to. 'Our generation acts as if we deserve a medal', Tynon says. If I thought a medal would have helped my sleep deprived friend, I would have given her one, however I have never met a mother who wants a medal. Some sleep? A shower? An uninterrupted meal? Absolutely.

Some other classic quotes from the article include, 'It’s not like we didn’t know what we were signing up for', 'I can't see what all the fuss is about' and 'Babies don't cry to annoy us. They cry because they are hungry or tired and we are here to solve that.' Who has ever said that babies cry to annoy us? I think every mother understands that a baby cries because of needs. It doesn't make it any easier to listen to hours of heartbreaking tears whilst your trying to figure out what that need is. I agree that most women understand what they are signing up for, but it doesn't make the lack of sleep and bleeding nipples any easier when you are living it. The fuss my dear, is about the overwhelming love you feel for this helpless person. It's about the constant worry for their well being. It's about temporarily losing all the things in your life that make you, you, including the job you have spent your whole life working towards and some of your friends. The fuss is about your perfect child in this sometimes crappy world. What's all the fuss about? Really?

I hope that the article didn't do the damage I'm imagining. I hope that no new Mums read it and began to doubt themselves because they don't feel the same. I also hope that Jacinta's toddler years bring her back to the real world where motherhood has its rewards, and challenges. Perhaps baby number two will put a stop to her reckless mummy brags. Feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean that we love our children any less, so lets not feel guilty for recognising the hard parts.